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21st Century Lesbian Trailer Trash

These are the mad musings of a middle aged woman, dyke, nurse, poet. I have a dog, a cat, a mobile home, and delusions of grandeur.

Location: California, United States

Monday, October 02, 2006

Autumn Leaves

My sister pointed out to me that while I was in Hawaii, the 20th anniversary of the plane crash went unremarked by me.

It was a hallmark moment that derailed my life for a number of years. On September 23, 1986 my mother and stepfather took off from the tiny airstrip near Greenbush, Michigan in their single engine Piper Cub. It had been raining for nearly 3 weeks.

Somehow, they landed in a swamp and were not found for several days.

I cannot revisit the trauma that was my life during that period of time. It sent me careening into a wild dive through my unconscious that threatened to submerge me forever. Luckily, I had an excellent therapist.

Today, I am the age my mother was when she died. I had expected to be battling her for another 40 years.

I usually think of them only when I see a movie that I think they might have enjoyed. And from time to time, I ruminate on the implications of living beyond my mother's years.


Blogger just me said...

((((((hugs)))) Pam.

9:35 AM PDT  
Blogger Sherri said...

I'm now two years older than my mom was when she passed. It's an odd feeling, isn't it?

How was Hawaii?

10:18 AM PDT  
Blogger kitty litter said...

I'm sorry Pammy

10:33 AM PDT  
Blogger Michelle O'Neil said...


I am so sorry.

6:32 PM PDT  
Blogger ~ nellenelle said...


I can only imagine what you endured during that time...

as for outliving parents, no bloody way. My mom is 78 and will outlast me.

6:36 PM PDT  
Blogger Ting's Tang said...


4:10 AM PDT  
Blogger Ting said...


5:19 AM PDT  
Blogger G. L. Gross said...


5:27 AM PDT  
Blogger scout said...

I'm so glad that you had a good therapist and that you're able to appreciate your life in the present. Keep on keeping on.

2:02 PM PDT  
Blogger Mocha said...

You know I love you, right?

6:50 AM PDT  
Blogger Sandra said...


9:51 PM PDT  
Blogger KMae said...

Great job on getting where you are today! I KNOW it was hard, grueling work. (((hang on in there!)))

9:09 AM PDT  
Blogger Movin in Mysterious Ways since 1977 said...

Aiy mami, this breaks my heart to see. I definitely know what the loss of a parent is like, but under different circumstances.

It takes great strength of character, of heart to take that - and grow into the amazing person that you are.

Much love mi amor.



6:24 AM PDT  
Blogger Donna said...

(((((((Hugs Cuz)))))))))

10:13 PM PDT  
Blogger just me said...

(((((hugs))))) Just stopped by b/c you have been in my thoughts.

9:19 AM PDT  
Blogger d said...

Oh Pam - I don't even know what to say. I cannot even imagine.

Count me in on those hugs too.

8:53 PM PDT  
Blogger Kim said...

*nose pressed against the screen*

You okay in there? Come over, give us a squeeze...

I miss you.
Look for the good bits all around ~

4:26 PM PDT  
Blogger greymatters said...


1:39 PM PDT  
Blogger Kim said...

19/10/06 (As they say over here)

WHERE are you? WHO WHO, who who.IIIIii really wanna know...

You up to your neck in it over there Pammie, or just taking a breather?

You're loved ~ Nony

9:25 AM PDT  
Blogger Vanda said...

Emmm Pammy baby are you ok?

3:05 PM PDT  
Blogger d said...

Just stoppin' by to say hi.
All those autumn leaves are all over my backyard and driveway today.

9:30 AM PDT  
Blogger Francesca said...

Pam, are you okay???

Just wondering...


1:21 PM PDT  
Blogger KMae said...


We all miss you!

I hope you are okay. Is there ANYTHING I can do for you?


1:29 PM PDT  
Blogger Mocha said...

We really do miss you, dear. I hope that all is well and ok and that you are happy.

Are you happy?

7:32 PM PST  
Blogger Michelle O'Neil said...

Hey Pam!

I keep checking on you. Miss you!

Hope you are okay?

: )

4:02 PM PST  
Blogger A Lesbian's Life said...

Hello, my name is Christa.

I am a volunteer with www.alesbianslife.com.

You can contact me directly @ a_lesbians_life@yahoo.com

I would like to find out how I could get our link posted to your blog.

Here is our mission taken from our website which was founded by Donna Mete' who is an amazing woman that is truly "giving back" to our community:

A Lesbian's Life was founded in June 2006 to provide women with information and entertainment that explores the depth, richness and variations of our many life experiences. With our newly launched website, an upcoming blog and book, we expect to build this portal and begin filming an exciting new TV series. Each effort promises to address real-life issues in the lives of women who have not had the benefit of a voice that reaches far into our community and our world. We are committed to initiating a meaningful dialogue around issues important to all of us, to dispelling myths that exist within and outside of the community and to do away with the limited, stereotypical representations of lesbians that are prevalent today.

We hope to inspire you and to provide an ongoing series of thought-provoking, humorous and compelling opinions.

Some of these topics include gender decisions, parenting, being single, BDSM, love and loss, bisexuality and knowing when to let go...along with dozens of other fascinating subjects. Our Expert's Corner will invite numerous professionals to share their insights and expertise with us on a monthly basis and believe their presence will be of tremendous value. If you're a lesbian writer and would like to contribute a story or opinion, please contact us as well. We hope you will consider sharing your thoughts and visiting us often!

Just Launched...

Montage of Talent:

-Montage of Musical Talent

-Women’s Poetry -Collage of Unforgotten Memories and Moments

-Women artists & photographers

We're excited to open this new section of our website. We will be showcasing music/poetry/art and photography from women around the globe.

If you're interested in letting others know about your talents, please consider participating in this section of our expanding site.

It is open to women who love women, and women who support us.

We hope you'll join us!

Thank you in advance for your consideration.

Best regards,


12:43 PM PST  
Blogger Eat More Beef said...

Sorry to hear that!
Buy or Sell Anything Here!

12:09 AM PST  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I think we are all very discombobulated when a parent dies, first of all. It also felt weird when I arrived at *my* 62nd birthday--the age of my Dad's death.

That was 14 years ago. Your blog is the first reminder of how I felt when I sailed past his demise. Strange feeling. Yikes.

Better days ahead, kidlet!

2:26 PM PST  
Blogger just me said...

I keep coming back to see how you are doing. I don't know know if you have moved blogs or stopped blogging but I miss ya.

8:40 AM PST  
Blogger The Scribe said...

My parents both died young-ish and I know I've been spared 'battling' with my mom because of it.
The Boomer Chronicles

6:51 PM PST  
Blogger Vanda said...

Pam are you ok? I keep checking back here to see if I've missed somthing.

Please eamail me kiddo, through my blog http://gammavh.blogspot.com

5:22 PM PDT  
Blogger John said...

Hi Pam. If your ever in the big apple drop be a line. I would love to have lunch with you. I hope all the silence is a good thing.
love and best wishes

8:32 AM PDT  

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