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21st Century Lesbian Trailer Trash

These are the mad musings of a middle aged woman, dyke, nurse, poet. I have a dog, a cat, a mobile home, and delusions of grandeur.

Location: California, United States

Friday, September 08, 2006

I Smell Old People

I have news for the Baby Boomers among us, particularly those of us in our 50's. We are starting to smell like old people. And all of the plastic surgery in the world, gallons of Oil of Olay, and hours at the gym will not derail that particular phenomenon.

Remember being in your grandma's house when you were about 7 years old? And you thought you would asphyxiate if you didn't get outside in the next 5 minutes?

Old people houses are closed in, cluttered, and musty. There are dust bunnies under the furniture. Even grandma's dog smells like old people. Even after a shower and some perfume, grandma smells funny.

We all have that moment when we know we are doomed. Mine came when I found out that my sister was grooving on Patsy Kline. I had a future flash of big blue hair and flowered dresses with red lipstick that bleeds outside the lip line.

There is no horror like the horror you feel the first time you notice tire tracks in your underwear. Next is when some little kid leans in for a kiss and wrinkles his nose saying "Your breath smells funny."

Carpe diem kids. Time is not stopping even for us. And if you think soy products will save you, think again.


Blogger KMae said...

Damn Pam, did ya HAVE to tell everyone about this??? HAHA! Like I'd prefer this stay way back in the closet (like grandma's moth balls!)

This reminds me when we go to certain places, Doris wrinkles up her nose & says, "smells like white people in here..." Cracks me up everytime.

Going out to buy a batch of perfume now..... hehe....

12:17 PM PDT  
Blogger scout said...

On the Internet, no one knows you smell old. : )

1:29 PM PDT  
Blogger Michelle O'Neil said...

I'm 37. No tire marks yet but my daughter has been brought to tears over my coffee breath.

3:25 PM PDT  
Blogger ~ nellenelle said...


As for your sister,next time you visit, I'm picturing you in a fruit hat...

8:31 PM PDT  
Blogger SassyFemme said...

Oh too freakin' funny!

Thanks for the link to the soy article, very interesting read.

3:27 AM PDT  
Blogger Kim said...

SURELY they'll find a cure before I get there! The wrinkles and the creaking bit are bad enough.. but making us SMELL bad is just vicious...

*praying for science* ~ Nony

7:15 AM PDT  
Blogger NursePam said...

LOL @ smells like white people, KMae.

On the internet Scout, we can be whomever we like. You would think I would hold back a little more wouldn't you?

You're way too young for tire tracks Michelle. If coffee breath is the worst you have to offer, your kids are still safe ;^)

I have never worn hats Nelle. If you see me wearing one, you'll know I'm senile.

HA Sassy! It's only funny 'til you get there :-P

Nony, just tell Lou to dunk you in the shower and scrub really well.

11:39 AM PDT  
Blogger The Scribe said...

Ohhhh, you're depressing me - from one baby boomer to another....
Come visit me.

6:41 PM PDT  
Blogger NursePam said...

LOL Scribe! Great site. I added it to my favorites list.

9:24 AM PDT  
Blogger ~ nellenelle said...

rofl, I'm already there!

10:20 AM PDT  

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