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21st Century Lesbian Trailer Trash

These are the mad musings of a middle aged woman, dyke, nurse, poet. I have a dog, a cat, a mobile home, and delusions of grandeur.

Location: California, United States

Monday, August 14, 2006

Dear Nasty Neighbor

Thank you for the anonymous note you left tucked in my back door. I found it when I arrived home after a 10 hour day at work and a trip to the grocery store.

In spidery, old lady script it reads:

Your dog is waking us up at 5:00 & 6:00 A.M. Please try to eliminate barking that early.

Sure. OK chickenshit nasty old bag. I have no idea who you are or where you live. The homes directly behind me and to one side of me are vacant. On the other side is a woman who gets up earlier than I. When she's home. The people in the 2 houses across the street from me have dogs.

You can nap all day bitch. And my dog doesn't bark other than a couple of times in the morning because she is so eager to eat. And for a couple of minutes in the evening until I can get inside my door after pulling into the driveway. Oh yeah. She barks a little from time to time when we rough house. Or when someone knocks on the door. And that, asshole, is her job.

How do you propose I eliminate barking? Bury her under my lemon tree? That would solve the problem.

By the way, the dog doesn't bark before 6 a.m. because I don't get up before 6 a.m. I would like to summon up some compassion for you. But your lack of courtesy and your inability to handle this like an adult make that difficult.

Get a life.


Blogger Syd said...

What a cunt!

I would be tempted to set the alarm for 4:30 and go outside to lay on the car horn.

Too bad I can't bring Amos over. HIS bark would have her afraid to come into your yard.

4:33 AM PDT  
Blogger kitty litter said...

LOL Syd!
I'll bring Dillon too....

6:39 AM PDT  
Blogger Vanda said...

Humpt! Nasty old lady and chicken shit to boot.

8:10 AM PDT  
Blogger NursePam said...

Ha Syd! I would love to borrow Amos but the old lady would have a heart attack and I would feel guilty.

I'll take Dillon too KL.

Know the really funny thing Vanda? I talked to the park manager this afternoon. It wasn't my dog. :-P He doesn't know who left the note either but he knows which dog has been barking in the morning. The owner has been in the hospital receiving chemotherapy. How's that for neighborly love?

7:23 PM PDT  
Blogger scout said...

My partner and I used to live in an apartment situated in a hoity-toity neighborhood of mostly half million- to million-dollar houses. I parked on the street since our apartment had only one parking space, and one day I found a nasty note on my car accusing me of using the owner's street as "long-term parking" and sullying the beauty of the neighborhood with the continued presence of my car: a dent-free, 5-year-old Saturn.

The date of the note: September 11, 2001

I wrote a letter of my own, addressing it to the four houses adjacent to where I was parked that day, saying that one of their neighbors apparently had nothing better to worry about on 9/11 than bullying a fellow neighbor. I added that as an 8-year resident, I also took pride in the neighborhood and considered it as much mine as theirs. And unlike the pussy who put the note on my car, I signed my name and provided my address should anyone wish to further our correspondence. Sadly, no one responded.

10:26 AM PDT  
Blogger NursePam said...

I would like to think, Scout, that the guilty party was shamed into silence. But someone who is that concerned with such pettiness on that day would have to be a cretin.

6:35 PM PDT  

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