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21st Century Lesbian Trailer Trash

These are the mad musings of a middle aged woman, dyke, nurse, poet. I have a dog, a cat, a mobile home, and delusions of grandeur.

Name:
Location: California, United States

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Because I'm a Dyke

When I arrived home from work last night, there was a huge box outside my back door. It looked bigger than my back door. And I already knew that it weighed 67 pounds.

So I went inside, fed the dog and the cat, booted up the computer, and contemplated the wisdom of pouring a glass of wine before figuring out how to get the box inside the house.

What was it? A tube TV. 24 inches. With a DVD and a VCR built in.

Q. Why in the hell is she buying a tube tv?

A. Because it seems ridiculous to spend thousands on an LCD flat screen.

Q. At 57, why does she think she can lift and carry a 67 pound object designed to crash on the floor and break?

A. Because she likes to play Butch for a Day. It's what dykes do.

Q. But why a tube tv?

A. Because it's cheap and it fits my needs for the time being.

I went back outside after dark because I didn't want some old man offering to help me and then keeling over from a heart attack. And because if I was going to look like an idiot it would only be under the cover of darkness.

I eyeballed that sucker. I decided I could do it. I rolled it up the back steps and into the door. Then I opened the refrigerator door to give me enough space to get it through the kitchen. After that, all I had to do was drag it to the spot where it would rest in all of its glory.

Now all I need to do is order cable.

Listen. Y'all knew I was wierd going in so don't even comment on that one.

Now I'm late for work again. And I promised LavenderDE a venti decaf iced latte.

9 Comments:

Blogger Vanda said...

A new tv is a new tv. Next time you have something heavy to lift, tilt it up, put a blanket under it leaving a bit out of course, then tilt it up the other side, pull out the blanket then drag it.

LOL at butch for the day.

9:16 AM PDT  
Blogger just me said...

This one made me giggle. Thanks for the wonderful visual.

9:55 AM PDT  
Blogger SassyFemme said...

LOL at wanting to do this in the dark so no one could see! We'd do that, too!

6:26 PM PDT  
Blogger ~ nellenelle said...

Now to put you in the empty box and ship you wherever you'd like to go.

Hilton Tahiti
Tahiti
South Pacific

priority air mail
this side up
fragile
periodically add water and fruit and an occasional steak
keep away from women
ignore any comments you might hear

7:25 PM PDT  
Blogger NursePam said...

Actually Vanda, it slid so smoothly across the carpet that I didn't need a blanket. But thanks for the tip ;^)

Always happy to make someone giggle JM.

Geez Sassy, it's good to know I'm not alone in my twisted thinking. :o)

You're a nut Nelle. And why, pray tell, are you keeping this package away from women? Hmmmmmm?

8:23 PM PDT  
Blogger KMae said...

Oh COOL!!
We have 2 huge tube TV's!
They are great.
Enjoy, it's like having a wonderful movie screen in your livingroom & bedroom!!!
(the trick is to BE HOME for the delievery so those guys can carry the damn thing in, PaMELla.)

9:41 AM PDT  
Blogger NursePam said...

LOL KMae! Since I ordered online, there is really no way to know when it's coming. It was supposed to take 10 to 14 days and arrived in 3.

11:35 AM PDT  
Blogger Martha said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:58 PM PDT  
Blogger scout said...

Good work, girl. I should take your advice into consideration, to do my butch activities at night so's no one will laugh at me. Friday I was pruning the hibiscus in the middle of the afternoon, and whenever I had to tackle a really thick branch with the shears, often requiring me to pin one of the shear handles against my chest while I pulled two-handed with all my might on the other handle, I'd look around sheepishly to see if any neighbors were watching my struggles. It's nice to be able to laugh at ourselves, isn't it?

10:18 AM PDT  

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