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21st Century Lesbian Trailer Trash

These are the mad musings of a middle aged woman, dyke, nurse, poet. I have a dog, a cat, a mobile home, and delusions of grandeur.

Name:
Location: California, United States

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Power to the Pussy

OK. This ought to be the post title that pulls in all of the trolls, spammers, and people searching for pornography. But I couldn't resist it. MochaMomma did a hilarious piece yesterday about being in her gynecologist's office and making the decision to put her panties on top of the clothing pile.

After all, this guy has seen her Ta Ta. What more is there? Oh. But there is more. Now she has plans to
raise the flag at the BlogHer 06 conference here in California. We don't know all of the details yet but do monitor that blog.

Her panty piece put me in mind of something that happened to my sister almost 30 years ago. At that time I had a best friend named Kathleen. Kathleen was married to an OB-GYN by the name of Bill. Bill was notorious for boinking every nurse he could get his hands on. This drove them into couples counseling but that's a whole different story.

One day I was complaining that I could not find a Ta Ta doctor that I liked. Kathleen insisted that I go see Bill. I protested that that would be far too awkward as I frequently had to face Bill across the dinner table. Besides, we had this reputation of his to consider.

"Oh, that's different" Kathleen said airily. "He looks at vaginas all day long. It's just work to him. He won't remember what yours looks like when he sees you at the dinner table. Knowing Bill, he won't even remember that he saw yours."

We had this discussion several times before I finally broke down and made an appointment with Bill. It worked out fine. We were able to separate our personal and professional association with no difficulty.

Several years elapsed. My sister K. and her husband decided they were ready to try to get pregnant. K. had not found a gynecologist that she liked. I insisted that she go see Bill. She was a little reluctant because she really wanted a female gynecologist but she agreed to give Bill a try.

The day of the appointment dawns. It so happens that Bill greets K. in the waiting room. "Mrs. C., I'm Dr. E. Come right this way please." He turns her over to the nurse with not one indication that he has any clue who she is.

He enters the exam room after she has dressed herself in one of those little paper gowns. The exam proceeds with all of the usual poking, prodding, and history taking. Still no sign of a connection.

They reach the fun part where the woman lies on the exam table and puts her legs up in the stirrups and the doctor or the nurse says "Slide your bottom down. No, more. Further." Eventually your bottom and everything personal is hanging off the end of the table and your toes are high over your head.

Bill gets right down to business along with the usual grunts and inane chatter happening on the other side of the drape. The drape is so that you don't have to watch the doctor poking your private parts.

He picks up the speculum (ancient torture device), and just as he inserts the ice cold metal into K's Ta Ta he says "Ya know. I would know that you and Pam were sisters anywhere."

My sister, being much more traditionally conservative and well bred than I, nearly jumped off the table. Truly she thought he was referring to the look and configuration of our respective vaginas.

"Trust me," I told her later, "Bill has no clue what he said to you. He was trying to make pleasant conversation during an awkward moment. Remember. He's a man. He's clueless."

I don't think she ever completely trusted me on that.


I think had we been brave enough to wave the panty flag back in the days when women were burning their bras, feminism might have taken a turn for the better. After all, breasts are just a conduit for baby milk. But pussies? Pussies are where the real female power sits.

In your face people!

8 Comments:

Blogger just me said...

I needed tha today. ROTFLMAO! (and oddly I was just there yesterday.) No pics yet huh? (of Jaz silly ;0 )

2:28 PM PDT  
Blogger d said...

LMAO! Priceless. Are you sure that's not what he meant - I mean, come on, the man must know his business. ;)

Why do we hide the panties? It's so strange - like a primal instinct. Without talking to other women about it, we all did it the first time and continue to do it.

9:01 PM PDT  
Blogger NursePam said...

I'm glad I could make you laugh JM & d :o)

The pics of Jaz are coming soon. The new computer has arrived. I just have to connect with UPS.

Bill honestly didn't know what he was saying d. I asked him about it later. He turned bright red and said "I didn't really do that did I?" I used to yank his chain about that one every chance I got.

I still hide the panties. I'm too old to change ;^)

7:04 AM PDT  
Blogger Cheryl said...

Fabukous, Pam! I've cracked patients up for years with that "hiding the panties" bit. And we all do it. Well, all except for Mocha.

11:39 AM PDT  
Blogger Mocha said...

I know that my dear Cheryl meant that in love, so I won't take issue with her. Yet. ;-)

This piece was absolutely hilarious and even I clenched a bit when Bill said that to her! Could he have picked a more awkward moment? Geez. Dolt.

I don't know if you've seen this. You're a frequenter over at BlogHer, I know, but this one and the comment of "three pussies" left me gasping for air. I about died from the laughter.

http://blogher.org/node/7422#comment

Hey. Look at that. Word Verification is "pussy". Hmmm.

8:38 AM PDT  
Blogger NursePam said...

Mocha! You are kidding me. Pussy word verification??? The stars are in alignment and we must declare this the year of the pussy.

That's a great thread. Glad to hear that others are stalking the V word.

9:47 AM PDT  
Blogger Mocha said...

Of course I was kidding. What if we all had some sort of Pussy Word Verification prior to entering? Wouldn't that be hysterical? And those who don't know what the hell they're doing DOWN THERE would be told, "No. I'm sorry. You require remediation before you can touch a pussy again."

I can't wait to see the Google hits from all this pussy talk. Better you than me.

1:11 PM PDT  
Blogger NursePam said...

ROFLMAOOOOOOOOO!

2:23 PM PDT  

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