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21st Century Lesbian Trailer Trash

These are the mad musings of a middle aged woman, dyke, nurse, poet. I have a dog, a cat, a mobile home, and delusions of grandeur.

Name:
Location: California, United States

Saturday, June 17, 2006

The Long Goodbye

I knew that it would be hard to let go. I just didn't realize it would be this difficult. Jaz went to the groomer today. It is the first time I have seen Rika since Maggie died. Rika didn't know. She and I both got pretty weepy as we talked about her.

"You take such good care of Maggie," she said, putting her hand on her heart. "I'm sad too." Rika has been grooming Maggie for about 5 years.

Then I had to stop off at the vet's to pick up Jaz's shot records. R had not yet transferred the records over to my account. Just walking into the office was difficult. I have used this vet for about 12 years for a number of animals. And though each loss was hard, somehow losing Maggie has been the deepest cut.

When I came home I called R to remind her about transferring the records over to me. She was sad too. Yesterday was Jaz's second birthday. "We thought about her all day. We miss her so much. Please give her a kiss for me."

After I hung up, I really started to cry. I lost my sweet Maggie. The Universe gave me a gift. But that gift is someone else's loss. So often life just doesn't seem fair.

Maybe it is these hurts that hone our compassion and keep us honest.

8 Comments:

Blogger Syd said...

Oh dear. Your post brings tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat. I know how you feel and my heart breaks for you.

Hang in there, baby.

You're in my thoughts.

3:55 PM PDT  
Blogger Francesca said...

You're a really sweet and lovely person.

I love that last line of your post, too.

Sending a major hug!

6:13 PM PDT  
Blogger ~ nellenelle said...

I totally and comepletely feel the sentiment expressed... *hugs*

6:35 PM PDT  
Blogger Kim said...

*still hugging you*

You'll be feeling this for a while, and rightly so. Maggie has been a much-loved source of companionship, comfort and joy. Though it hurts to mourn our pets' passing.. I think of it as another way we honor them. Yeah, I'm a wierdo. But they aren't disposable and we REALLY miss them when they're no longer with us!! ~ Nony

11:33 PM PDT  
Blogger NursePam said...

You are all such sweet and kind people. And Nony you are not a wierdo.

Or, if you are, then all of us here are wierd. In which case, I rely on the kindness of wierdos. And that's OK with me. *hugs*

9:00 AM PDT  
Blogger The Editor said...

((((nursepam)))),

I have dreams about Hobie that seem so real. I think he is still out there and wants me to know that.

I hope it is okay that I share this story with you. I truly hope it comforts your heart.

I told my mom about the reoccuring dreams that I've had of Hobie. I thought she would think I was some freak. But, she instead told me a special story of her own.

My mom had a dear friend in Casey, a Miniature Schnauzer. Often times, she would fall asleep on the sofa and he would join her and fall asleep on one of her arms. She would have to move his head at some point because one of her arms would become numb. After he passed away, she was lying on the sofa almost asleep when she felt his presence. Her one arm became numb and she could feel heat like that from a body. She knew it was him.

I truly feel that Maggie is still around and knows who loved her and will never forget you. Like Hobie and Casey, she probably expresses her love for you in her own personable way.

Blessings and lots of comfort,

-firebird-

6:08 PM PDT  
Blogger NursePam said...

What a wonderful story firebird. Thanks for sharing it. I know that you still miss Hobie. *hugs*

7:29 PM PDT  
Blogger just me said...

(((hugs)))

9:44 AM PDT  

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