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21st Century Lesbian Trailer Trash

These are the mad musings of a middle aged woman, dyke, nurse, poet. I have a dog, a cat, a mobile home, and delusions of grandeur.

Location: California, United States

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Rock the Vote? Block the Vote!

This seems to be the new mantra of the Good Ol' Boy Network in Republican Land. From Truthout, a New York Times editorial :

[Florida] imposes fines of $250 for every voter registration form that a group files more than 10 days after it is collected, and $5,000 for every form that is not submitted - even if it is because of events beyond anyone's control, like a hurricane.

Go Jeb! Put that League of Women Voters out of business.

In Washington, a new law prevents people from voting if the secretary of state fails to match the information on their registration form with government databases.

Senator Mitch McConnell, Republican of Kentucky, introduced an amendment to require all voters to present a federally mandated photo ID. Even people who have been voting for years would need to get a new ID to vote in 2008.

Found at Salon.com and filed by me under Well, duuuuuuuuuuh!

Enron changed nothingIn the breeding grounds of executive crime, greed still rules. The only lesson corporate America has learned is how to blame everybody else.
By Gary Weiss

...Alas, the root causes of Enron are still with us, and getting worse. I am pained to report that in the breeding grounds of corporate crime, the teeming Gold Coast mansions and sweaty polo clubs, little has changed in the executive attitudes that brought us Enron...

Sarbanes-Oxley, or "Sarbox," as it is known, was enacted in July 2002, when the post-Enron hysteria was at its highest...

The law set up something called the Public Company Accounting Oversight Board, whose purpose is to keep watch over the corporate auditors who failed so miserably to detect the book cooking at Enron...

What Sarbox has never done, and never could do, is change corporate behavior, anymore than you can stop a car thief by taping a Do Not Steal sign to the dashboard. Remember that CEOs who are going to pull off a mega-scam like Enron, or even a routine stock swindle or accounting trick, are not going to be deterred by a law book or someone with a stinkin' badge. They have a more pragmatic view of corporate responsibility -- they feel they don't have any.

And under Troubles in the Terrorist Olympics:

The Rant
New CIA director Hayden plans massive expansion of spying on Americans
From Capitol Hill Blue
May 31, 2006, 08:19

Now that he is officially sworn in as the new head of the Central Intelligence Agency, Gen. Michael Hayden plans to build a vast domestic spying network that will pry into the lives of most Americans around the clock.

President George W. Bush told Hayden to "take whatever steps necessary" to monitor Americans 24/7 by listening in on their phone calls, bugging their homes and offices, probing their private lives, snooping into their financial records and watching their travel habits.

Can I prove this in a court of law? No. Do I know it is happening? Yes, without a doubt. Enough sources within the CIA, FBI, NSA and Pentagon have come forward in recent days to warn about Hayden's plans for an expanded, consolidated spy network aimed at Americans, not terrorists, and violating numerous laws that prohibit such activities against citizens of this country...

From The Progressive come tales of the New McCarthyism:

My name is Mohamad. That doesn’t mean I’m a terrorist”
By Matthew RothschildMay 27, 2006

Mohamad Pharoan is a waiter at the Hyatt Regency at the Inner Harbor in Baltimore. He’d worked there seven years when, on December 5, 2003, President Bush came to the hotel for a reelection fundraiser.

Pharoan, 58 at the time, was supposed to be serving tables at the banquet, but he wasn’t allowed to. Because his name is Mohamad.

This dude, who was born in Syria, came to the US in 1992, and became a citizen in 1996, was escorted by the secret service to his locker, kept under watch while he changed his clothes, and escorted out of the building.

He decided to consult with his brother, Dr. Bash Pharoan, who is president of the Baltimore chapter of the American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee.

They went to the press.

On December 10, four members of the House of Representatives—John Conyers, John Dingell, John Lewis, and Betty McCollum—circulated a letter to their colleagues.

The letter started by spoofing the MasterCard commercial:”Price of Admission to Bush fundraiser in Baltimore: $2,000.

“Money Raised at Bush fundraiser in Baltimore: $1,000,000.

“Cost to an American citizen and seven-year hotel employee scheduled to work at the Bush fundraiser but sent home because his name was ‘Mohamad’: Humiliation, Discrimination, and Prejudice.”

Of course, when they apologized, the Secret Service said that his exclusion was in no way related to his ethnic and religious background.”

Th- th- th- that's all folks!

Kinja, the weblog guide

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The American Way

Boca Java has sent over 800,000 cups of coffee to our troops. Their goal is one million. You can send 8 ounces of their super duper coffee to the men and women in our military. For $4.00. That's a small price to pay for sending them a tasty piece of home.

Personally, I want them to have the best when they're working for my safety and freedom.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Holiday Fun

Keeping in mind that Memorial Day is a solemn occasion, I trolled the web to see how others were observing the day. It seems that my mind must be permanently in the gutter as all those whom I admire seem to be doing The Nasty in one form or another.

This weekend:

Cheryl is observing National Masturbation Month. It seems that Saturday someone was having a Masturbate-a-thon. Sounds like fun. Sorry I missed it.

Barnyardmama is most likely making googly eyes and other things with her husband. At least I hope she is. He's been elsewhere for awhile.

Pat Kirby is tripping on horses. We all know that this is the adolescent grrl's favorite pre-sex experience.

And Jaz, having spent her first 2 years on the planet Cat-less, has suddenly discovered the joys of chasing the cat around the house full tilt boogie and barking like a mad dog. It's got to be the doggie equivalent of a really good orgasm.

I'm certainly not getting any this weekend. In fact, I just blew my most recent chance by spiraling into a depression after Maggie died. But it does remind me of a story.

A couple of years ago, I was getting my annual pap smear from a Nurse Practitioner, another NursePam oddly enough. I reminded her that she hurt me on our previous encounter and to please use a smaller speculum this time. She asked me how long since I had had sex and I said "You mean with a man? Years."

Her response was "Have you ever done that?"

Not that it was any of her damned business. "Yes," I snapped, "I have."

Here's what I wanted to say to her:

"Yes you dried up old school marm pussy. You would drop dead of a coronary if I told you how many men I fucked back in the day. And what the hell kind of question is that anyway?"

Actually, what I did say was something like maybe I should go find a guy with a big one; I could prep myself before my next visit with her.

"Just make sure," she said, "that it's not too big. You could hurt yourself."

So much for a woman married 40 years giving sex advice to a 50 something single lesbian. How the hell would she know what might go up there? Unless, of course, she's been up to something I don't know about.

Kinja, the weblog guide

Just In Case You Missed It

Certain elements in the United States Senate are determined to amend your Constitution without your knowledge or consent. If you happen to be a conservative who stumbled across this site, just remember, once the precedent has been set, you too could lose all that you hold dear.

If you don't know why this is not dangerous, then perhaps we deserve to lose our Constitutional rights. It's your job as a citizen to understand how your government works and why we want to be very careful about amending the Constitution.

From the Daily Kos:

In response to the Senate Judiciary Committee's kerfuffle regarding the proposed constitutional amendment banning gay marriage (blogged below today), Sen. Russ Feingold has issued the following statement:

Objecting to the Judiciary Committee's Handling of the Constitutional Amendment on Marriage

Today's markup of the constitutional amendment concerning marriage, in a small room off the Senate floor with only a handful of people other than Senators and their staffs present, was an affront to the Constitution...

I am deeply disappointed that the Chairman of the Judiciary Committee went forward with the markup over my objection. Unfortunately, the Majority Leader has set a politically motivated schedule for floor consideration of this measure that the Chairman felt compelled to follow, even though he says he opposes the amendment.

Constitutional amendments deserve the most careful and deliberate consideration of any matter that comes before the Senate. In addition to hearings and a subcommittee markup, such a measure should be considered by the Judiciary Committee in the light of day, open to the press and the public, with cameras present so that the whole country can see what is done... (emphasis mine)

George Bush and his ilk continue to empower these power hungry men who believe it is their God given right to make decisions for the rest of us. Whichever side you are on, you ought to be outraged that this is happening in your government.

Kinja, the weblog guide

Sunday, May 28, 2006

The Dog Trainer From Hell

Jaz and I arrived early yesterday for the 2:30 basic training class, as instructed. There were about 5 dogs. One was a beautiful little Spaniel puppy about 4 months old. Another was a fairly large mixed breed about 10 months old. He was nervous and a little snappy but his owner had him under good control.

The next was a nervous Pit puppy but again, the owner had him fairly well controlled. Then there was the beagle. He was a year old and completely out of control. His owner could barely keep him leashed. And he barked and bayed at all of the other dogs continuously. The trainer had to relegate him around the corner of the building and give his owner some tips on working to keep him from barking. This worked moderately well.

This woman said she had 32 years experience as an animal trainer including a fair amount of experience with the zoo. It took about 10 minutes for her to get the beagle quiet enough for us to hear what she was saying. After about another 10 minutes, she directed us off of the blacktop and onto the concrete because it was fairly warm outside.

As we were walking, Jaz, unbeknownst to me, put her forepaw right under my foot and I came down on it with all 160 pounds of my body weight. She screeched and lifted her paw up and I scooped her up to inspect the paw. At which point the trainer yelled at me. "Don't coddle them when they're hurt. You're training her to..."

I didn't really hear what else she said except that she went into some story about her ex husband and her Rottweiler and how the Rott ended up liking her and not her ex husband. The tears were flowing and I couldn't seem to stop them. I must have stood there for 5 minutes, my back turned, still weeping silently while she began to talk about something else. I knew I heard the words but I wasn't hearing what she was saying.

It struck me that I had done nothing to merit being talked to like that and that, 32 years experience or not, she wasn't an overly nice person. She either did not realize I was upset (hard to believe as I had my back turned to her) or she didn't care.

Finally, I walked back into the store to ask for a refund. The 2 young clerks up by the register were upset when they saw I had been crying. The young man said "We've had a lot of complaints about her. They're trying to get rid of her and get another trainer in here." They had me fill out a complaint form and I left.

About 4 hours later my phone rang. I let my answering machine pick it up. It was the trainer. She had some long story about how she was sorry that she hurt my feelings. She was only trying to help my dog. And that the barking beagle was stressing her out. Which of course led me to say to the answering machine "Then why the hell didn't you dismiss them and recommend a private training session to begin with?

What about the needs of the other 5 dogs and their owners? I didn't dare pick up the phone because I would not have felt good about saying what I really wanted to say to her.

I called the PetCo in La Mesa to find out when they were having their next basic training class and to make sure that this woman is not one of their trainers. Today I'll call the one in El Cajon to see if they have one that starts sooner. When I took Maggie to basic training, the trainer was wonderful. She never raised her voice and she dealt much differently with the problem dog. She never separated him from the rest of the group. She just used him as a teaching tool for the rest of the class.

The only thing I know is that I have taken enough shit off of other people that by now I ought to have reached my lifetime quota. That and the fact that things often don't work out as one expects.

This morning I am drinking Starbucks new Black Apron Exclusive. Kopi Kampung. It's a
Sulawesi coffee; a rather mild blend but with full, rich flavors and a bit of a spicy quality.

My agenda for the day? Stop at Babies R Us for a shower gift. Go to work to finish the nursing schedule. See if I can get Jaz into the groomer today or tomorrow. Watch a bad movie. Ruminate on the state of my life and why I still work for a person who makes me feel so bad about myself. Perhaps move a couple more boxes to my storage shed.

Kinja, the weblog guide

Friday, May 26, 2006

Who's In Charge Here Anyway?

Me? Or the dog? Probably the dog. After all, she is 5 pounds of cute fluff and I am just another boring old broad. People see the dog and I cease to exist.

Not that I am helping the situation. Did I talk about the pink bag here? It's like a shoulder bag that she can ride in. I took her to work with me last night. I had her in the bag. Everyone went nuts. A hot pink purse with a little fur head sticking out. What's not to love?

Usually, when I am leaving on a Friday afternoon, the residents tell me to have a nice weekend. This afternoon, most of them were only wanting to know if I would bring the puppy back on Monday.

Tomorrow afternoon we will begin our six week basic training course. This trainer uses the clicker method which I am anxious to try. I'm excited. Jaz isn't saying much.

This evening, after another rough day at work, I decided it was time to party old people style. I stopped at the video store and picked up a copy of TransAmerica. I have a pint of Ben & Jerry's. I have my dog and a 3 day weekend. Sort of.

I still need to finish the nurses' schedule for June. They hounded me so much today that I simply could not finish it. Even though I was at work by 0730. So I am duty bound to go in one day over the weekend to finish it up.

In the meantime, I brewed a cup of Blogger's Pajama Passion. It features vanilla, kahlua and caramel flavors. And I must say, I was pleasantly surprised. It's a mellow blend with just the right amount of flavor to satisfy your tastebuds without the aftertaste one often finds with flavored coffees. This is a coffee you can snuggle up with to end your evening on a sweet note without any sugar. In my world, this classifies it as a health drink.

Kinja, the weblog guide

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Short & Sweet

It's already way past time for me to update my blogroll. I need to learn how to do the fancy stuff like drop down menus so I can have huge lists of links.

Another new find is
Forgiving Nature. My favorite entry is where she talks about the fact that just because she is all about love and forgiveness, it doesn't mean that she cannot get really pissed off! I like that in a person.

Yesterday morning I tried the
BloggersFuel Blogger's Boot Up Blend. I'm still deciding. The aroma is dark and rich. It also seemed to have some chocolate notes. It is billed as an amazing medium blend of African, Central and South American coffees. This was my second try with this blend. The first time I think it was too weak. I couldn't decide yesterday if I made it too strong or still not strong enough.

The flavor was earthy and a bit musky. Nice. But not quite right yet. Do you suppose that Starbucks puts some sort of drug in their coffees to make you want them more?

This weekend I'm going to try the other flavored blend. Beach Blast? I feel honor bound to give Starbucks a nudge. I don't want them to get so comfortable that they decide they can act like other big corporations.

Kinja, the weblog guide

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

AT&T, Bite Me! (Profanity Warning)

About a year ago, after having had it up to the fucking eyeballs with gigundo AT&T, I did what I had sworn to do my entire adult life and got rid of AT&T long distance. I switched everything over to SBC. Even my internet service was switched to SBC.

So what did SBC do this spring? Why they merged with AT&T. I am once again stuck with their stupid long distance service. Correct me if I'm wrong but I thought we busted up that monopoly decades ago. WTF is up with this? AT&T is so small now that it can merge with its once off limits spawn?

Now my SBC Yahoo is AT&T Yahoo. Watch NursePam blow chunks every time she opens up her email.

Check this out from Pandagon.net:

In 2003 AT&T built “secret rooms” hidden deep in the bowels of its central offices in various cities, housing computer gear for a government spy operation which taps into the company’s popular WorldNet service and the entire internet. These installations enable the government to look at every individual message on the internet and analyze exactly what people are doing. Documents showing the hardwire installation in San Francisco suggest that there are similar locations being installed in numerous other cities...

This isn’t just the government or AT&T invading your privacy. This is part of a larger tendency of those in power to refuse to distinguish between corporate and government power. If AT&T has set up a room only for the use of government spies, then not only are they undermining your basic right not to be searched without a warrant but they are basically acting like an arm of the government.

Just kill me now while I still remember that America used to be THE LAND OF THE FREE!

Kinja, the weblog guide

Monday, May 22, 2006

Why Auntie Is A Democrat. Maybe.

I found this children's book by way of The Left Coaster this morning. I was thinking of ordering one for my youngest niece. What I want to know is, are those snails or aliens in the cover art?

It almost made me proud. Until I started surfing the web this morning. It would appear that we Democrats are having an ethical crisis these days. While the
U.S. Army and video game producers are increasingly collaborating on war simulation games designed to attract a new generation of potential soldiers, the democrats in office are crying foul on the one hand and sticking their other hand in the cookie jar.

While Ruth Coniff talks about the
democratic search for a soul in a May 9 article in the Progressive, Doug Thompson is ranting on Capitol Hill Blue today about crooks in the democratic leadership.

"I am not a crook." ~Richard M. Nixon

Judging by the antics of people like Randy "Duke" Cunningham and Connie Brown, one would have to draw the conclusion that the republican party is not the only one with crooks in the house. So maybe I don't want to buy the book. Maybe I want to research other political parties. Or maybe I want to disassociate myself from political parties altogether. It may be true that power corrupts. So where do we go from there?

Nancy Pelosi promised to clean up congress if democrats took the majority of seats this November. Perhaps she ought to consider promising that we democrats will clean up our own back yard. Most seem to agree that the democratic party may have core values but we can't agree on anything.

Come to think of it, perhaps a children's book is just what we need.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Jaz & Me

I picked up Jaz from her owners at 8:30 this morning. Today is the young man's 14th birthday. It sounds awful but he and his mom had an all day celebration planned with his friends.

The very first thing she did when we got in my car was to pee on my belly. Here are some other things that we did today.

Jaz has made numerous attempts to make friends with the cat who is having none of it. Luckily, she hasn't shown her claws but has merely hissed and pouted. So much for wanting companionship while I'm not home. I didn't leave them alone for a minute.

We drove to PetCo where Jaz found many friends and admirers. To show her appreciation for the attention, she peed on their floor. We bought her a hot pink carrier; the kind where she can stick her little head out and it has shoulder straps so that I can carry it like a purse. She is not thrilled.

We also bought a bed, 2 squeaky toys, and a chew toy.

We wrestled for about 20 minutes and then she fell asleep on my bed while I watched a movie. The little dickens, having much longer legs than Maggie, learned right away to jump on and off the bed. The top of the mattress is at least 3 feet off the ground.

At one point, some of her little behaviors reminded me of Maggie and I started to weep. She ran over to me and licked the tears from my face then fell asleep on my chest.

We took a trip to the park down the street where she peed, pooped, and then played for awhile. For those who are not familiar with dogs, those are the 3 P's that are essential to doggy happiness. Throw in some good food and you're all set.

She wasn't much for her dinner. Probably because it has been a strange and unsettling day for her. But she did eat 3 tiny tips of my french fries and a couple of small pieces of my turkey sandwich that I had for lunch.

Right now she is sleeping on my lap while I type. I'm going to have to find a way to post some pictures of her here as my computer is pretty much junk. Maybe I can convince LavenderDE to download them at work and email them to me.

Overall it has been a quiet day and I'm still exhausted. I want to sleep for a week. But I have to finish the June schedule, complete the hiring process on 2 licensed nurses, and start teaching my classes for the plan of correction. Maybe I'll be able to take some time off by my birthday.

Kinja, the weblog guide

Friday, May 19, 2006

Blogs of Bravery

BloggersFuel did a nice job on this one. I figured it deserved recognition as the post title for several reasons. It honors our courageous fighting men and it honors those brave souls who send messages of Truth to the world via the blogosphere.

"A blend of South American dark and medium roasts to create a well balanced, smooth taste." Exactly as advertised, this is a tasty blend that is neither overbearing nor overly subtle. It has a pleasing aroma and a nice little bite on the first sip. It satisfies the full throttle coffee drinker like me but is smooth and gentle enough for the more sedate coffee drinker. I suspect that this is a blend just right for all times of the day and night.

Have a wonderful Friday!

Kinja, the weblog guide

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Pay It Forward

Rotten, rotten, rotten week.

1. Monday always sucks unless Monday is not your Monday. But if you work in the 9 to 5 Monday through Friday world, Monday sucks.

2. Tuesday. One of our big, young, male patients beat the snot out of 2 of my female nurses. I was right in the thick of it. The son of a bitch plotted it, planned it, and set it up so that no one had a clue what he was about to do. While V and I tried to hold the door with our full body weight, he pushed us aside like we were paper dolls.

I tried to head him off but he went right around me, cornered V by my office door, and proceeded to pound her on top of the head until she passed out and had a lump the size of my fist. When S tried to pull him off, he socked her in her jaw which is now black and blue and twice its normal size. The dude is over 6 feet and weighs about 200 pounds.

I screamed like a girl right into the intercom: "All men to station 2! Every man in the house to station 2!"

Well, I called a code green and the response was unsatisfactory and I wanted that guy off my nurses. I nearly wet my damn pants I was so scared.

S will be back to work Monday. V has to have a repeat CAT scan tomorrow. S told me I was her hero, apparently because I stayed with them. She insists I was trying to pull him off of V although I don't remember that at all.

3. Wednesday. I don't even remember that this week had a Wednesday. If I didn't see that I posted on Wednesday right here on this blog I would tend to believe that we just skipped Wednesday this week.

4. Thursday. The State came in to investigate the assault that occurred on Tuesday. We self-report all incidents. My boss was off shopping and not answering her phone which left me to deal with the surveyor. Well, let's just say that I found something in her office that made me so angry I wanted to walk out and never return. If I was 35, I would have done just that. Instead, I swallowed my ire and continued, albeit not happily, through my day.

5. Thursday continued. I came home, fed the cat, and drove to the pet clinic to pick up Maggie's ashes. They had put them in a pretty little cedar box with a gold lock. I had to make a couple of other stops. My last stop was Starbucks. The nice young boy at the counter asked how I was. Reflexively I said "I'm fine. And how are you this evening?"

He replied "Actually, I wasn't fine when I got here. Then I had one of these new banana coconut mocha frapuccinos and now I feel happy."

How could I say no to something like that? I ordered one, grande decaf. When he rang up my order he said "By the way, I'm taking off $3.00. It's a gift from my last customer. He ordered a tall latte, gave me a five and told me to buy a drink for my next customer."

Wow! No kidding? Just like that. It made me all warm and toasty inside, that random act of kindness. How could he know I was still teary over the tiny cedar box sitting in the passenger seat of my car? That I was driving around town feeling sad and unappreciated. And for no reason other than that I was the next person there, he gave me this small gift.

Maggie's cedar box is sitting in my bedroom right now. It gives me an odd sense of comfort to know that she is where I can keep her safe.

Kinja, the weblog guide

Quick Note

She said it was a God thing. Last night I met the sweet lady, her son, and their little Yorkie named Jaz. She said she got chills when I told her the whole story of how I heard about their puppy. She had no idea I had lost Maggie so recently.

The next stop for Jaz was going to be the Humane Society. The last person who was going to take Jaz changed her mind because she decided she wanted a "Teacup" Yorkie. Gag me with a spoon.

Jaz looks nothing like Maggie. This is a good thing. I cannot replace that little love machine. But she does need someone who understands the whole Yorkie thing.

Tuesday night I ordered an urn for Maggie's ashes. I wept while I picked the urn, decided on what to say on the little brass plate, and completed the checkout.

Today I pick up her ashes. Saturday morning, Jaz will come home with me for a trial run. It's a bittersweet thing.

I have a very strong feeling that Jaz will join our family.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Still Chattel After All These Years.

Just how sick are we as a society? Pretty damn sick.

As many have suspected, this Think Pink for breast cancer awareness campaign that is so ubiquitious around the highways and byways of America has less to do with breast cancer research and more to do with corporate profits than most would imagine. What's bad for women is good for big business.

Twisty sent me to the Think Before You Pink site. Take a look if you care where your donations go.

Redneck Mother found an article that sends Orwellian chills up and down my spine:

Guidelines: Treat Nearly All Women as Pre-Pregnant
By January W. Payne
Washington Post Staff Writer
Tuesday, May 16, 2006; Page HE01
New federal guidelines ask all females capable of conceiving a baby to treat themselves -- and to be treated by the health care system -- as pre-pregnant, regardless of whether they plan to get pregnant anytime soon.

Pre-pregnant? Bad enough that we are on the verge of prosecuting those who do not worship the Pre-Born. Now some folks think that all women of child bearing age ought to be kept in some sort of cage? It makes my skin crawl.

Kinja, the weblog guide

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Pot Pourri

This morning I am drinking BloggersFuel Late Night Log In. It's a "bold, dark roasted blend of South American and Island coffees." Perhaps my palate is a bit jaded but this particular blend is leaving me feeling flat. It has a nice earthy flavor and, as promised, a smooth finish.

However, I need a bit more than earthiness to wake up my taste buds. What I am trying to decide is, does this blend lack complexity or am I just unable to discern its subtleties?

I would venture to say that this would be a nice evening blend for those of you who can take caffeine at night and still sleep. This is a coffee that I would rather have with some cream and sweetener; not something I ordinarily say about any coffee.

It's always interesting to see what others have to say elsewhere about my blog. Two comments in particular have fascinated me recently. One was a comment to
My Penis, My Self from a male reader. "You ladies are cruel."

Wow! I'm sorry you felt that way. See, this is what I mean about having one's entire sense of self tied up in one's genitals. It can cause one to lose perspective. Frankly, it causes me no distress whatsoever when a man calls himself a feminist. Mine certainly is not the only definition of Feminism on the Planet.

Maybe he would feel better if I wrote an entry called Penises I Have Known and Loved; Great Penises and the Men Who Are Attached to Them. See, I don't recall saying anything terrible about men. I don't recall saying that they were worthless, stupid, or without any redeeming value. Please correct me if I am wrong in this.

I think that this is just one more example of how women who are not attached to men and who have an independent thought that does not include male dominance, might cause those silky little sacs to shrivel.

Then, checking out my stats over on Technorati, I discovered that
someone at BlogHer had made reference to my blog in a most startling way.

What search words would land someone at say; 21st Century Lesbian Trailer Trash? I went to her blog. I read it and I didn’t see hardly anything that might warrant a deviant sexual reference. In fact she is way smarter than me and has an obvious extensive vocabulary which I seem not to employ. But I’m still curious; could only her creative name cause her to blush while reviewing her reader stats?

Blush? Me? Obviously, this kind lady did not read all of my entries. Why on earth would I care what search brings up my blog title? NursePam is so far left of center and so far out of the mainstream that there is precious little that can embarrass her.

Losing my panties in the middle of the cookware aisle at WalMart. Now that would make me blush. The world is full of people doing all manner of bizarre things. There is no need for me to be embarrassed by their little kinks.

So, I am now off to that place where I appear to be a major cog in the wheel of mainstream: The Boss Nurse; she of flinty eye and nerves of steel. Striking fear into the hearts of tender nurselettes everywhere.

Kinja, the weblog guide

Monday, May 15, 2006

Picking up the Gauntlet...

...that Just Me threw down. That is, I am posting to prove that my hands are perfectly steady and not shaking due to excessive caffeine. Sheesh. I only had 6 cups today. That's novice level coffee drinking.

What I am is exhausted. On Friday, I worked a full day and then passed the 5 p.m. medications over in the high acuity cottage.

This is the cottage where the really crazy people are. The ones who do pirouettes in the hallway singing "I'm So Pretty", the ones who strip in the front yard and try to pole dance on the fence, the ones who throw their medication in your face and plant money in the grass to grow a money tree for Jimmy Buffett.

On Saturday I spent 8 hours at work to write the plan of correction. On Sunday, I took staffing phone calls half the day and cried about Maggie the other half of the day.

Today I spent another 8 hours writing the plan of correction; in between dealing with nurses who were freaking out because one of our guys was waving his man thang around and inviting everyone to have a taste, and explaining to my boss why it is NOT a good idea to get snippy with the Department of Health Services in your plan of correction.

I forgot to eat lunch.

I also talked to a woman who is looking for a home for her 2 year old Yorkie because she feels she can't give her adequate time. I agreed to go see the dog on Wednesday night, then drove home thinking I must be crazy myself. When I arrived home, I got the voice mail message telling me that Maggie's ashes are ready for me to pick up.

I ate a Healthy Choice fish dinner and half a pint of Ben & Jerry's NY Fudge Chunk. My laundry has not been done, my house is a mess, and I'm not seeing daylight anytime in my near future.

At least 2 times daily I sit and stare at my computer screen. Occasionally I start to write an entry. But I seem to bore myself and so I give up.

Right now I'm going to crawl into bed and try to get comatose for a few hours.

Kinja, the weblog guide

Friday, May 12, 2006

It's Here!

My BloggersFuel reviewer's kit arrived safe and sound at my place of work yesterday morning. The office manager paged me immediately and told me to get up there because they could smell the coffee in the package.

I arrived as soon as I could to rip open the box. Just that quickly, the office was permeated with the heavenly aromas of freshly roasted beans. I realized then that
Boca Java was going to send me to an entirely new level of coffee appreciation.

Later on in the evening I took a look at each one of the 6 packages of coffee, trying to decide which one to try this morning. New Media Mavericks won out. It is a "medium roast from the prized Tarrazu region of Costa Rica with excellent body and robust richness." Juan Valdez eat your heart out.

Normally, I go for the bolder blends but the promise of body and richness sold me. When I opened the package, roasted a mere 10 days ago, and poked my nose in the bag, I think my feet floated off the floor. THIS was fresh.

I will admit that the very strong chocolate notes had me a bit worried since I'm a big guns coffee drinker who shuns the frou frou when it comes to my morning bean. I found with my first sip that it was not what I thought. The blend is smooth and round on the tongue. I could taste the flavors everywhere in my mouth.

There is a hint of chocolate but more like the flavor of dark chocolate without the sugar. The palate is smooth and silky and there is just a hint of smokiness. It serves admirably as a wake up blend but would also make a lovely after dinner coffee.

I'm eager now to try the other blends. In fact, I am so sold, I may just break one of my hard and fast rules about no coffee after 2 p.m. to test one of the flavored coffees this evening.

Kinja, the weblog guide

Thursday, May 11, 2006

USA Child Friendly - NOT!

Starting off with Invisible Life's outsider POV of the American healthcare system, please note that in many instances, foreign nationals feel sorry for us when it comes to the abysmal lack of affordable health care in the United States.

Redneck Mother has some things to say about The Itty Bitty Titty Non Lactating Committee that thinks public breastfeeding is yucky. These are the people who view breastfeeding as right next to taking a public poop.

Mother then pointed me to a link over at
Echidne of the Snakes, informing us that in the developed world, we are only slightly above Latvia in child mortality rates:

Report Finds One Of Highest Infant Death Rates Among Developed Nations
CHICAGO, May 9, 2006

Among 33 industrialized nations examined in a new report, the United States tied with Hungary, Malta, Poland and Slovakia with a death rate of nearly 5 per 1,000 babies. Only Latvia had higher mortality figures, with 6 per 1,000, according to the report by the U.S.-based Save the Children.

Kinja, the weblog guide

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Oprah, Guilt, Privilege, & The Lesbian Brain

I do have a freak flag and I am proudly flying it high.

Bear with me bois and grrls as I sift through the early morning fog of my aging brain. The nasty nurses woke me at 0430 just because they could. Unable to go back to sleep, I got up to grind my beans and my gears at the same time. This morning it is once again Papua New Guinea. Rich and aromatic, it tears up my gut but soothes my soul.

I put a picture of a vagina up here just because I can. And I have given so much time to the penis lately that I decided this lesbian really ought to give equal time to the vagina. After all, it's what I do.

Over the past several days, my web travels have taken me to some thought provoking places. The funniest this morning was
Twisty's diatribe about the late 20th Century Prophetess, Oprah the Great. Mentioning Oprah here is really apropos of nothing. But it sounded good in the title.

And please. I really do love Oprah. Call me a shallow tool of the patriarchy but, as I pointed out to Twisty, I cry whenever I hear the Star Spangled Banner. Apparently, I am a product/victim of my times.

I first saw the AP article on the Lesbian Brain posted by my bud
Kitty Litter. The research is interesting but it sounds to me as though the media is attempting to turn this into something like this: Dykes have Man Brains and Nancy Girls have Woman Brains. While some may find this a comforting way to explain homosexuality, it makes me squirm and squeal. Yuk!

No Dildo Head. That's transexualism. In the context of the article, how do you explain a MTF lesbian as anything other than really fucked up? Recognizing that I left an opening wide enough to drive a Mack truck through, just chew on that for a bit.

Where does privilege end up in this soup? Did I promise you a cogent or coherent thought this morning? No. I did not.

Geeky Mom had a great post this week called Changing Our Lives to Suit Our Politics. And she pointed me to the Phantomscribbler who made some distinctions between the term spoiled and the term privileged. Which got me to thinking. Katy (May 8 entry) also talked about classism with regard to her students who are not privileged and therefore, because of all that is inherent in the system, did not make the citywide freshman dance team.

Anyone who can pour $20,000 into a 6 pound dog over the course of 7 years is privileged. There is no other way to look at it. It's not something I feel guilty about. I don't own a yacht or a summer home on Maui. I live in a tin can for God's sake. But privilege is something that many of us do not recognize that we have because we are so busy feeling sorry for ourselves.

I'll tell you what I do have. I have white guilt. I have non Jewish, German parentage guilt. I have survivor's guilt over my schizophrenic brother. I have single driver destroying the earth guilt. I have 20 years on the couch and you're still screwed up guilt. In fact, I have enough guilt that 10 of you can feel free to give up your own.

Once I have paid off my veterinary debts, I will be writing checks to Save the Children, the S. Ford Foundation for Animals, the Literacy Project, and all of the children starving in Africa. But if I don't go to Appalachia or Bangledesh to practice nursing for a few years after retirement, I will probably die still feeling guilty.

Kinja, the weblog guide

Monday, May 08, 2006

Funny Stuff

There are 2 must read blog entries that I found during the past few days. First, stroll on over to BarnyardMamma's place and see what Katy has to say about the Baby Gate. Scroll down to the entry for May 4. Warning: You may want to strap on your Depends for this.

Then check out Cheryl's post about her BloggersFuel Review pack and her adventures over at MasturbateforPeace.com.

You can run Cheryl. But you can't hide!

Kinja, the weblog guide

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Memes & Masturbation

Oh wow! Will Bruce regret allowing this blog to be part of his Coffee Review Team at BloggersFuel? Let's hope not. First penises and now masturbation. The latter being one of my favorite words.

I snagged this very cool poster from Purple Twinkie, one of my newest favorite sites.

Seeking distraction from my grief over Maggie, I have been doing my usual weekend web surfing and as always, found some fun stuff. Syd found a meme over on KMae's site. She got it from Suburban Lesbian and it looks like fun so I'm going to try it.

KMae, bless her, is over on AO-Hell, where she talks about her happily pair bonded life of 26 years with Doris.

I AM ...a woman first, a lesbian woman second, a sister, an auntie, a friend, and a nurse.

I WANT ...a new wardrobe.

I WISH ...I had enough money to retire right now and to fix up my little tin house exactly as I want it to be.

I HATE ...cleaning the bathroom.

I MISS ...Maggie, Joan, my grandmother, living near my sisters and my nieces, my foster daughter, the summer rains of Michigan.

I FEAR ...being not good enough.

I HEAR ...I keep thinking I hear Maggie running around the house. I also hear the cat meowing pitifully around the house in search of her playmate and bestest buddy.

I WONDER ...if I have lived a worthwile life.

I REGRET ...allowing Lois to mess up my head with regard to relationships.

I AM NOT ...difficult to please.

I DANCE ...when the spirit moves me.

I SING ...for release.

I CRY ...sometimes for no reason.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS ...a wonderful meal.

I WRITE ...because I can.

I CONFUSE ...people's names.

I NEED ...a new hot water heater.

I SHOULD ...clean my house.

I START ...many projects that are left unfinished.

I FINISH ...those projects that capture my imagination. I also finish other people's sentences which can be annoying as hell.

I LIVE ...like I told Mocha, I live to disturb. I also live rather frugally but not with a lack of generosity.

I WOULD RATHER ...be in Hawaii.

I PREFER ...people who are smart, kind, and caring of others.

I KNOW ...a little bit about a whole bunch of things.

I MUST HAVE ...Shoes & Chocolate!

I HOPE ...to be remembered kindly when I leave the Planet.

I won't tag anyone today because on some days it just feels like doing so is the equivalent of sending chain mail. The sense of obligation can make you nuts. But feel free to indulge if you are so inclined.

Oh. BTW. My BloggersFuel package is scheduled to arrive on Thursday. Poor Bruce is once again on my Good List.

Kinja, the weblog guide

Friday, May 05, 2006

She Waits For Me At The Rainbow Bridge

(((((((Hugs to all))))))) who replied to my earlier post. As well as to those who have traveled this long road with Maggie and me.

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts, whispers, and prayers for my wee dog. It means more to me than you may know.

Sweet Maggie did not make it. She went to the Rainbow Bridge at about 7:45 this morning, assisted by 3 special emergency hospital staff members and myself. My grief is great but not as great as was her heart.

I was able to tell Maggie, one last time, how very loved she was, to thank her for the richness she brought into my life, and to whisper in her ear that Joan and Honey were waiting to take her home.

Maggie was a special spirit who brought joy to all who met her. She had a joie de vivre that was unmatchable, a will to live that was awe inspiring, and a face that melted the coldest of hearts. She was the living reflection of all the love I could ever hope to show the world.

I will miss her in so many ways during the coming weeks and months. But there is no more pain, no more suffering, and no more fear. She rests now with the loving souls of the Universe and her light will always be a bright, bright star in my sky.

She brought amazing people into my world. There were the wonderful women of the iVillage Pets Community now over at iVillage Homes and Food.

The veterinary surgeon who repaired her liver shunt 7 years ago, saving a tiny, precious life.

Dr. Sara Ford; there isn't enough room on this blog to say everything I have to say about this incredibly gifted, energetic, compassionate woman.

And the entire staff of the Mission Valley VCA Pet Emergency & Referral Center who loved and cared for Maggie even when I was a total bitch.

Dr. Ford and her staff gave Maggie 16 months of quality life and brought 16 more months of sweetness into mine. It is to their tireless work for the love of animals that I dedicate this entry.

The Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Rest now. Rest my sweet, sweet girl.

Kinja, the weblog guide

Thursday, May 04, 2006


My sweet dog is in the doggie hospital for the night, awaiting a battery of tests and receiving supportive care.

I came home tonight to find her lethargic, with a distended belly, and not drinking or passing urine. It isn't clear whether she is having an exacerbation of her disease or if she got something out of the trash that may be causing a blockage.

She looked so sad when I left her. I feel calm right now. Don't ask me why. Maybe I'm in denial. Or maybe I just believe that our time together is not yet finished.

While I was waiting, a young man rushed a seriously injured cat into the facility. He was driving home from work and saw 2 young women standing beside the road watching a cat thrashing and gasping for breath. They told him they weren't going to do anything because it wasn't their cat. So he snatched it up and drove it to the ER. The cat didn't make it. But I know that the young man will be blessed.

There are 2 kinds of people in the world. Those who care. And those who don't.

Say a little prayer for Maggie if you are so inclined.

Kinja, the weblog guide

There is No Such Thing

As a slow news day on the internet.

I found a rant on Capitol Hill Blue this morning that compares the Bushwhacker to Adolf Hitler. You may think that the idea is outrageous and totally uncalled for. But you may just want to read the piece in its entirety and then decide for yourself.

Here are some snippets:

From Capitol Hill Blue

The Rant
Comparing Bush to Hitler
May 4, 2006, 06:56

Compare George W. Bush to Adolph Hitler and you piss off some people, inflame others who either agree or disagree, and start a debate over when criticism of a public official goes too far.

"You go too far with the Hitler comparison," reads a typical email from one of the Republican lemmings who still think Bush has some redeeming qualities. "It's unfair."

Perhaps, but unfair to whom? I'm not sure it's possible to be unfair to Bush, the man who promised "the most ethical administration in history" but delivered, instead, the most corrupt, scandal-ridden, dishonest government I've seen in 40 years of writing about, or working in, politics...

Yet such comparisons become more and more evident. Hitler rode roughshod over the laws of his country, ignored civil liberties, called those who opposed him "unpatriotic," and created a powerful secret police that spied on citizens of Germany.

Sound familiar? It should. Bush routinely ignores the laws of the land, tramples on civil liberties, calls those who oppose him "unpatriotic," and has created the powerful, secretive Department of Homeland Security to spy on citizens of his country.

The few, remaining, brain-dead die hards who still defend Bush decry comparisons with Hitler because, they say, Hitler killed millions upon millions of Jews to become the greatest mass murderer in history.

True, and while Bush has not yet killed millions of Muslims, he is doing his best to up the body count with his lies-based invasion of Iraq and his politicized "war on terrorism." I doubt the thousands upon thousands of Iraqi civilians who have died at the hands of American soldiers and bombs consider our President a liberator. The word you hear most often on the streets is Baghdad is "murderer."

Let's just say this is something to think about.

Kinja, the weblog guide

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Words for the Day

Dean Dad, guesting over at Bitch PhD, used the word interlocutor in a recent entry. Interlocutor is one of those words that you kind of know what it means and you act as if you know what it means but you pray that no one asks you the definition when there isn't a dictionary handy.

Dean Dad used a plethora of really big words but this particular word had the most difficulty settling into my brain.

Actually, I had to go to 3 different online dictionaries to find the meaning. I knew the law entered into it somehow but I had to go to the Dictionary of Difficult Words to find it.

interlocutor, n

Someone who takes part in a conversation, often formally or officially. The performer in a minstrel show who is placed midway between the end men and engages in banter with them.

n. (fem. -tress, -trice, -trix) speaker in conversation; interpreter. interlocution, n. conversation; interruption. interlocutory, a.; Law, done during action; intermediate.

Please use this word in a sentence. I'm not convinced that I completely grasp the meaning or the use of this word.

My second word of the day is penis. As in a comment MochaMomma left on my other blog::

I'm very disturbed that my lesbian blog friend said, "I love your penises."

That's all. I just came to tell you I was disturbed.

Hopefully I do not have to define the word penis for you. But I will say that it is her own fault. She's the one who sent me to Dave's place. Hop on over there and look for the April 30 entry. Then scroll down until you find the infamous penis chart.

Here is my reply to Mocha:

Some people live to serve while I live to disturb.

And that's the bottom line. I live to disturb. Try it. There's a lot of fun to be had in disturbing someone's sense of equilibrium. I might even be moved to write another penis post.

Kinja, the weblog guide

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

I Think I'm Late

It's 0824 as I begin this rant. The Magster has not yet eaten and I am still in my jammies. I am not in the mood to budge though I know that I will shortly.

Yesterday was a better day in some respects. Worse in others. Such is the way of the Universe.

The best news is that since we made it through survey and since I am currently still employed, my corporation will be sending my sister and me to Hawaii in September. This beats the original May date as all of the survey mess will be over with. The only thing I will have left to stress and stew over will be Christmas.

It seems to be in my nature to stress and stew. Some days I wish that I could have a personality transplant. How I envy those people who seem to glide through life without turning a hair. My mother knew, when I was in the second grade, that I was not destined to glide through life.

I leaned over to pick up a pencil and the photographer caught me looking up with my hair in my face. Thus I ruined the class photo. And I have been putting a kink in the works ever since.

Mothers know these things. How do they keep on functioning?

Kinja, the weblog guide

Monday, May 01, 2006

Can She Really Start Fresh?

My birthday comes up next month and I am feeling peculiarly depressed. Not like kick me to the curb I just wanna die depressed.

No. It's more like let's all just crawl back into the womb and start fresh kind of depressed. Grim.

Frankly, I can't even seem to locate my humor button.

When shopping didn't thrill me, I realized that there was only one thing left to do. Start a new diet. Yesterday wasn't exactly what I would call successful but it was a start. Any day that I can convince myself to eat greenery is a good day.

I don't know how much I'll write about my diet. I'll probably write more about missing my chocolate and my frappuccinos. How's that for a fun time?

I am powerless over this mini-disaster that is my life. I call it a mini-disaster because rather than a life altering conflagration, I have merely allowed the creeping crud to take over. It's due to things like sloth and not paying attention. It seems I am currently suffering from ADHD of the Soul.

I have a lot more to do besides dieting. But it's a start.
Kinja, the weblog guide

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