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21st Century Lesbian Trailer Trash

These are the mad musings of a middle aged woman, dyke, nurse, poet. I have a dog, a cat, a mobile home, and delusions of grandeur.

Location: California, United States

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

NursePam Goes Off

Today was fun. Remember James? The psych tech with the long gray ponytail and the utterly unflappable nature? Masklike facies is more like it.

Simple instructions to the 2 nurses in the cottage. Check your med carts for the thermometer (the $300 thermometer). Not there? You're certain? Because the nursing assistants have checked everything but the pockets of the residents and it is nowhere to be found.

OK. So NursePam runs over to the other 2 cottages and checks every single closet, crash cart, cupboard, and even the dog's bed. No thermometer.

I run back over to the large cottage. "You're absolutely positive James, that you checked your cart?"

"Positive," he says.

"James, unlock your cart please. No. Open the narcotics drawer."

"Oh!" He says. "I didn't see it before."

I got so far up into James' face he could probably tell you what I ate for breakfast.

I could have polished his tonsils. I could have done a gosh darned colonoscopy on the guy.

"Do you honestly think," I bellowed, "that I have the time to do your job for you?"

No change of expression on his face.

"I am so sick of you telling me bald faced lies I could scream. In fact, I am screaming. Can you hear me James?"

No reply.

"Don't you ever do this to me again James. I can't take it any more. Do you hear me?"

"I'm sorry!" he says. "I didn't see it when I looked before."

Sheesh. One day I'm gonna give myself a stroke.

When I left the nurses station, the nursing assistants were walking around with their lips buttoned and their eyes as big as saucers.

There was a card in my mailbox from one of my nurses. "You are the nicest DON (director of nursing) I ever worked for. I hope you stay the DON here forever."

Good grief. Please God. Not that.

So I finished my day by writing James' sorry ass up for insubordination.

"Well. I'm not perfect," was all that he had to say.

So I ate a 3,000 calorie muffin. And went home.


Blogger Cheryl said...

Thank God for baked goods! So sorry you had such a rough day, Pam. I hope the calories helped.

10:38 PM PDT  
Blogger Vanda said...

It's a man thing Pam. They look and don't see. 3000 calories was worth it kiddo!

7:04 AM PDT  
Blogger NursePam said...

LOL Vanda! It's not a man thing. It's a James thing. You really have to know the guy to grasp the entire picture. He drives the guys at work completely around the bend.

Truth be told I have protected him from day one while Dave and Gary have swept into my office on a weekly basis screaming WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO FIRE THIS IDIOT?!?!?!?!?

If I didn't have to work with him I would probably think he was the coolest thing since Cracker Jacks. On a human level he is an incredibly neat guy. But his brain does NOT work like any I have ever encountered previously. He's definitely missing some screws in the processing department.

7:56 AM PDT  
Blogger just me said...

I hope today went better. He sounds like the 2 1/2 yo I deal with (lovingly) everyday ;)
(I mean as far as not seeing something, oh wait that could be applied to the man here as well..hmmm scratching my head....)

4:14 PM PDT  
Blogger ~ nellenelle said...

Exactly, you earned a *cough* muffin reward...

As for the thermo meter, perhaps a repeat occurrence would earn "you will not go home from work until it is found!" might net it in say... a minute?

6:39 PM PDT  
Blogger NursePam said...

I'm tellin' ya ladies, I wish I could package him up and send him to ya. You would belief in alien life forms after just one day ;^)

8:41 PM PDT  
Blogger Cheryl said...

So, is James there in a sort of work-resident program or something? Great vocational training you've got there! ; )

9:31 PM PDT  
Blogger NursePam said...

roflmao! Cheryl, I am beginning to think that mental illness is a requirement for being drawn to psych nursing. You should have been a fly on the wall for the counseling session I had with my bipolar nurse this afternoon.

I had my boss in there and she was just freaking out. When I finally managed to usher the woman out, the boss says (as she is laughing her ass off) "I do see potential there Pam."

10:25 PM PDT  
Blogger Pat Kirby said...

Ah, this totally affirms my total disinterest in management. People--suck.

9:12 AM PDT  

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