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21st Century Lesbian Trailer Trash

These are the mad musings of a middle aged woman, dyke, nurse, poet. I have a dog, a cat, a mobile home, and delusions of grandeur.

Name:
Location: California, United States

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Yes, We Do Recruit

I don't quite know how to break this to you members of the Straight Community. But here in the Lesbian Community, we do recruit. With stealth and cunning we track and ensnare your sisters, your daughters, your mothers, and your girlfriends.

Yes Virginia, there is a Lesbian Clause. It can be found on page 232 of the Lesbian Handbook. This clause in the Lesbian Contract states "Always assume that every woman you meet is a lesbian until she tells you otherwise. Even then, you can assume that she might be lying if she sports a mullet, rides a Harley, wears leathers, owns a cat, burns incense, listens to
Holly Near, and makes all of her decisions by group concensus.

Be advised that "fag hag" is just another phrase for "in the closet."

If she owns a copy of Another Mother Tongue by
Judy Grahn and has a rainbow flag on her car bumper, she most assuredly is a lesbian. If the F Word (feminism) is in her vocabulary, she might as well be gay.

When the Lesbian Handbook says "Go forth and multiply," it does not mean get pregnant. It means increase your numbers by any means necessary.

You can order your very own copy of the Lesbian Handbook by calling 1-800-Dykes-On-Bikes. They will send it to you for the cost of shipping and handling only. Be advised, however, that the Dykes on Bikes are notoriously unreliable.

They spend hours in bookstores looking for innocent young girls to turn. If you are unable to contact them to procure your very own copy of the Lesbian Handbook, feel free to call me. I can help you to research the Lesbian Community absolutely free of charge.

Kinja, the weblog guide

6 Comments:

Blogger ~ nellenelle said...

lmao... care to join the discussion?

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pshottopics&msg=10906.81

Yanno, there ah wuz.. 6 years old when first recruited. Those 6 year old dykes what recruited me were shrewd.

Be afraid... be very afraid.

2:37 PM PST  
Blogger NursePam said...

LOL! No thanks on joining the discussion. I have had my hands slapped enough by iVillage. I'll keep the controversy to my Blog which is all mine.

No more official e-mails telling me that I have offended the sensibilities of some small minded bigot. In the blogosphere, I can call a bigot a bigot.

But I will say that that particular message board has some pretty insightful people posting.

3:28 PM PST  
Blogger ~ nellenelle said...

I have a whole lot of respect for willa, I've exchanged an email here and there along the way...

iV does seem to cut a lot of slack to bigots and gets antsy when we respond. One post on the pol board I would have booted...

I'm tired of having our relationships compared to Bubba with a sheep.

5:38 PM PST  
Blogger G. L. Gross said...

Good grief Pam! What has stirred your hornet's nest! I like it when you get fired up! Even though you like to stay calm, I can just see the fire blazing from your keyboard keys after you typed this one!

Go Woman!

Hugs, Gigi

8:40 AM PST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my god! I have a cat and burn incense. Those lesbians must have converted me!! They probably got a toaster oven too....

11:15 AM PST  
Blogger NursePam said...

Did I forget to mention the toaster oven? It comes free when you order the Lesbian Handbook.

7:51 PM PST  

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