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21st Century Lesbian Trailer Trash

These are the mad musings of a middle aged woman, dyke, nurse, poet. I have a dog, a cat, a mobile home, and delusions of grandeur.

Location: California, United States

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Something Wicked

Yes, Halloween is right around the corner. But it isn't Halloween that's on my mind this morning. I'm thinking about deliberate cruelty. The sort of cruelty in which adolescent children taunt the mentally challenged kid. The cruelty of kicking a dog. The cruelty of tipping someone's wheelchair to steal his shoes or his wallet.

People are cruel, I imagine, for a variety of reasons. Some of us have the sense to recognize that cruelty within ourselves and to be ashamed. Shame, in this sort of instance, is a good thing to have.

There is a particular kind of cruelty one may find among some who are mentally gifted. There are people who make a living using such a razor sharp wit. Pundits and political commentators use that kind of wit. In it's proper place, it is fun, fascinating, and invigorating.

I believe that there is always a place for criticism. I believe there is a need for that kind of insight and ability to sift through the garbage to find the jewel. But instead of using uber-brains to slap down someone's individual failings, why not fire up those synapses for the greater good?

I have been there and done that. I have found my fun in verbally ripping people to shreds. I have rejoiced at intellectually beating someone to a bloody pulp. And walked away proud. But this is what I have learned:

It does not make me happy. It has not made me a better person. It has not filled me up inside. Quite the opposite. It has left me feeling hollow, empty, and small.

I took a page from a dear, dear person in my life. She said to me once, "I used to want to be smart. Then I decided that I would rather be wise." She is a person I greatly admire. She understands the richness of living and the value of the individual. I so much loved the way I felt while in her presence that I decided to work to become more like her.

My friend is unique and gifted. I do not ever hope to reach her level of openness and giving. But I derive so much more joy from being a mentor and a teacher. From pumping up someone's self esteem rather than trampling on it. From watching another blossom and grow. I love that I can help them to do that by giving them space and support.

To each her own, I suppose. And thanks. I think I'll keep to the path I have chosen.

Kinja, the weblog guide


Blogger Laurie said...

Pam, in my eyes you are that type of person that you want to be.
So many people admire you too.

10:37 AM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

comment from a simpleton....
as Thumper would say....
"If you dont have nothing nice to say, dont say nothing at all"


12:07 PM PDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This generosity of spirit is what makes you such a gorgeous friend!

*hugs* ~ Nony

6:46 PM PDT  
Blogger G. L. Gross said...

Pam, in my opinion, I love the way that you give constructive criticism. It builds me up to be a better person, and I'm learning not to take myself so serious.



8:54 AM PDT  
Blogger G. L. Gross said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:54 AM PDT  

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