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21st Century Lesbian Trailer Trash

These are the mad musings of a middle aged woman, dyke, nurse, poet. I have a dog, a cat, a mobile home, and delusions of grandeur.

Location: California, United States

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Slouching Toward Bethlehem

I saw a wonderful film last night. It's an Israeli film entitled Walk On Water. It's a tale of hatred, love, and redemption. And just an fyi. There are subtitles but very few. Most of the dialogue is in English.

It caused me to think about my own crooked path to love and redemption. What has been in my heart has not always matched what I have wished to be in my heart. Some of us are born good. Most of us have to work at being good. People who appear to be good can have evil in their hearts. And some who appear to be evil can have goodness in their hearts. It can be complicated. Most of the time we have to trust ourselves to know the difference and hope that we have made the right choice.

Religion in this country has become pretty darned scary. I have nothing against organized religion. There are some good things to be said about it. But I go on record to say that Christians freak me out. My argument is not against Christianity. My problem is with the legions in this country who call themselves Christians. The fundamentalists who take the Bible literally but have a tendency to interpret in ways that are convenient to their own world view.

This is the so called religious right. They are sweeping the country with their Righteous Broom and will not be satisfied until we are back to the time of the Salem Witch Trials. Hate the Sin but Love the Sinner. They believe themselves to be agents of God. But that cannot be. God cannot be known on the level that they profess to know Him. S/He does not tell people anything. S/He shows our hearts nothing more than the power of love and forgiveness. This brings us to a state of understanding, acceptance, and reverence. From there we can discern right action. Everything else we do because we listen to our lizard brain.

I know not if the new Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, John Roberts, falls into this category of Christian thought. I suspect he does. If you aren't sure, check out
SaveTheCourt.org. If it looks like a duck, waddles like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck.

The God who lives in my heart does not speak to me in such a concrete manner. (Yes Virginia. Queers do have God in their hearts). My God speaks only to my heart and S/He does not use words. God gives me gifts of insight and understanding. But God does not tell me what to do. Spirituality is a very personal thing; a journey that we take throughout our lives. It can be expressed. It can be seen in word and deed. But I cannot give it to you. You have to find it within your own soul.

When I say to a friend "I need to get back to my spiritual practice," I am not talking about going to church. Going to church can help me to organize my spiritual life. But it does not make my spiritual life. What I mean is that I must return to honoring my mind, body, and spirit in ways that are loving and healthy. When I am in that space, I give the same honor to those around me. It is honoring my life, and the life of others, that leads me to God.

Finding my spiritual base was a long and painful process. At one time I hated the idea of God. I did not realize what a powerful force the spirit of God could be in my life. I will not address the history of my spiritual awakening here. But I will say that if you ever sit with a dying person and witness her spirit leave her body, it will change your way of thinking about life and death. You will have no choice but to ask questions about the meaning of it all.

It is my knowledge of God that keeps me sane in a world gone mad. I find my center. I focus on my heart chakra. I call God into my space. It allows me to move forward with hope. It allows me to continue to look for the good in people. It let's me believe that all life, including mine, has a purpose. When I am in that heart space, I catch a glimpse of the Real Me. And of the Real You.

Kinja, the weblog guide


Blogger Seabiscuit said...

I'm a spiritual person. I like to meditate in the bathtub with the lights off and candles burning. I watch the flame and how it moves. And, after a while it is like my mind falls into a deeper pattern of thought.

2:45 PM PDT  
Blogger Gina said...

You should really read Red Raven's post about Religion, government, and binary thinking. Talking about how governing with god as a co-poilet has made the US fail on issues such as teen pregnancy, homicide, and STD rates.


interesting reading. Well I myself am Christo-pagan and find it serves me well.
(hey, stop looking at me that way...I can believe in a the Christ with out needing to believe in just a Male deity, early Jewish beliefs include a female deity, she was taken out of the religion because she was the patron of healers and midwives, or in other words women, and the men in power didn't like that)

3:49 PM PDT  
Blogger NursePam said...

I will definitely look it up Gina. If you have never stumbled across Judy Grahn, I highly recommend her poetry. She has a smashing poem about how male physicans took childbirthing out of the hands of women and turned it into a male dominated activity. She refers to the caesarian section as Caesar's operation.

In my world, God has both male and female attributes. I wouldn't dream of looking at you funny. To me, God/Goddess are very personal concepts.

4:02 PM PDT  
Blogger John said...

Hi Pam,
About the way this country gives birth. We are ranked 24th in the world for infant mortality. That is to say there are 23 other countries in this world that are better at birthing than we are. We are the leading country in the world for medical intervention (cesarean and the like). You would think someone would see this correlation and do something about it. Sadly the people in power are nationalistic, patriarchal, greedy bastards. Not that I don’t like this country or power or money I just don’t want to kill babies because of it. Along with suppressing (at best) women, minorities, and starting wars among many other things.
The good news is midwifery is on the rise. That is until the Christian Right starts locking them up. Ah darn. Working in a hospital as you do I’m not surprised you smoke. I respect you a lot for that. I wouldn’t be able to handle it at all.
About jumping on my table. I would be honored to work with you. Thank you for the complement.

8:00 AM PDT  
Blogger NursePam said...

Hi John! With regard to the issues of midwifery. I can only hope that this relative underground will survive. If it does, it will most likely be due to money. Nurse Practitioners and midwives are cheaper than doctors. The HMO's will eventually realize this and greed will (with any luck) bring us full circle. My oldest niece lives in NYC. If ever I am moved to visit her there, I may well look you up.

7:39 PM PDT  
Blogger John said...

Please do look me up if you come to town. I would love to see you. I have to say I am a little nervous though. You do realize that my blog is just the good parts right? I mean I could just as easily make a blog named feel bad. It just wouldn’t be any fun. It would be just as accurate in describing me though. My self-consciousness aside let me know if and when you would be heading east and we can arrange contact information.
It’s crazy about HMO’s. When they do do the right thing it is for the wrong reason. I guess we have to take it how ever it comes. Thanks again for being on the front lines.

10:08 PM PDT  
Blogger NursePam said...

LOL John! It is those imperfections we all have that make people so beautiful and fascinating. No worries from my end. Besides, I have crooked toes.

7:21 AM PDT  

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