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21st Century Lesbian Trailer Trash

These are the mad musings of a middle aged woman, dyke, nurse, poet. I have a dog, a cat, a mobile home, and delusions of grandeur.

Location: California, United States

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Secret Pleasures

I am convinced that all of us have our dirty little secrets. My boss says "Don't invite your employees over to dinner. They do not need to know that your dog poops on the carpet, that you leave dirty dishes in your sink, or that you only clean behind your toilet during a harvest moon."

Personally, I think the world would be a better place once we all get it straight in our heads that none of us is perfect. My employees probably know better than anyone on the Planet, outside of my family, that I'm not perfect. Surely they do not believe, after one look at my office, that my home looks like a Better Homes & Gardens home.

But I speak of secrets and guilty pleasures in which most of us engage to one degree or another. And of which we prefer not to speak. Take masturbation for instance. Even partnered people masturbate. When someone tells me that they have never tried this, I think one of 2 things.

1. You're lying. Or
2. You poor bastard.

I suppose there are people out there who are truly asexual and have absolutely no interest in the places their body can take them. But I would guess they are in an astonishing minority. Ripley's Believe It or Not. "Lillian Wellagrump, age 82, died in her sleep on the 18th of January. She lived a long and happy life with never the slightest interest in what was between her legs. She tried to start a support group but no one would join."

Obviously, Lillian was lying. If she wasn't interested, she would not have tried to start a support group.

Other than masturbation, and television which I have mentioned earlier in this blog, here are some additional guilty pleasures in which I indulge from time to time.

Coffee. It's bad for my heart. Murder on my blood pressure. And it makes me hyper. But there is nothing like the smell of a good dark roast wafting through the house. I have this nifty coffee maker that grinds the beans and then brews the coffee on the spot. It has a timer. I set it for 10 minutes before my alarm is set to go off and wake up to the smell of freshly ground coffee beans brewing in my kitchen. I love technology.

When I have had enough of the home brew, I go to Starbucks. On occasion, I will drink 7-11 coffee, a decent stop gap when the better stuff isn't available. I also have a coffee pot in my office. My boss hates coffee pots at work. When I started working for her, she informed me that they were forbidden in the workplace. I informed her that I would have a coffee pot in my office. She has finally given up on that issue. If my coffee pot goes, I will not be far behind.

Another little pleasure is chocolate. I have a long standing love affair with chocolate. Good dark chocolate rings my bell, rocks my world, and leaves me feeling delicious. I do not eat massive quantities of chocolate although I would like to. I always throw some fruit, vegetables, and a little protein into my diet. But I am ever on the hunt for a tasty morsel of chocolate. I imagine myself looking a bit like Hannibal Lecter when he speaks of fava beans.

No meal is truly complete without a nice glass of wine. I am not a wine snob. Actually, I am rather ignorant when it comes to wine. But a small glass of merlot can take the edge off a particularly hard day and certainly beats a sleeping pill. In the good old days, it was quite common for doctors to prescribe 2 or 3 ounces of wine at bedtime for the old folks.

Then there is my obsession with smell. The smell of freshly laundered sheets and underwear. The scent of lilacs in bloom. The rich odor of sandalwood incense filling my bedroom. And clouds of perfume wherever I go. My preferences in the perfume department run to florals and musks. My bathroom is filled with scented creams, lotions, potions, bath gels, shower gels, bubble baths, and oils. My triple wide dresser groans under the weight of candles and incense. I cannot get enough. Beautiful scents soothe and comfort me.

Nurses are not supposed to wear scents. Ah well. I don't feel like me without them.

Television, wine, perfume, and chocolate aren't really something to be kept secret. But cigarettes are. If one smokes in this day and age, one is either very young, very stupid, or a redneck. I do not fall into the first and third categories. This leaves stupid. I do not like to think of myself as stupid but I have my moments.

I actually quit smoking for about 10 years. I went back to being a nursing director and lasted 3 whole months before lighting up. That probably says something about my fitness for being a nursing director. It just may kill me.

I keep telling myself that if I don't quit, I will die a slow and painful death. So far, that isn't enough to dissuade me from the nasty habit. In the meantime, I do enjoy a smoke with my coffee or my wine. A throwback from the days of careless youth when the world was new and sophisticated people smoked cigarettes.

I once subscribed to the theory that putting one's secrets on the table was the first step to healing. This may be so up to a point. But I also believe that secrets are a necessary fact of life. We need those small spaces filled with pleasure, shared or not. My work gives meaning to my life. My friends bring companionship and sometimes joy. My home helps me to feel secure.

Ah, but those small secret pleasures. They are the things that I enjoy when I am simply being me. They are at the heart of why I so enjoy being alive.


Blogger John said...

I once heard that Mark Twain said (and I’m going to butcher this)
“A man who dies with out sin is like a man who has no luggage to leave behind when his steamer sinks.”
What good is life without pleasure? What is the point? I think pleasure often gets a bad rap because a lot of people indulge in pleasure at the expense of others. I’m not so crazy about exploitive pleasure but honestly it makes up such a small percent of what feels good. Life should be enjoyed, relished, and savored.
I indulge in many pleasures, secret and otherwise. I recommend them whole heartedly. Being happy will make the world a better place.

8:31 AM PDT  
Blogger Seabiscuit said...

I love the smell of coffee brewing, but I don't drink coffee. I don't like the taste of coffee. I guess that makes me a bit strange. :)

3:49 PM PDT  
Blogger NursePam said...

Biscuit grrl! That makes you like a whole lot of people I know and love. How about some chocolate?

7:41 PM PDT  
Blogger Seabiscuit said...

Chocolate is always much appreciated! Hugs! :)

2:45 PM PDT  

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