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21st Century Lesbian Trailer Trash

These are the mad musings of a middle aged woman, dyke, nurse, poet. I have a dog, a cat, a mobile home, and delusions of grandeur.

Name:
Location: California, United States

Friday, October 07, 2005

Control Freak Central

Control freak. That's me. The intellectual part of my brain, that being my NON-lizard brain, knows that control is merely an illusion. But my lizard brain runs around my head like a little green golem sighing myyyyyyyyy waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy.

My functioning, non-lizard brain finds this horrifying. It is obvious to me that my lizard brain does nothing but wreak havoc upon my dream of an orderly existence. The little golem has outrageous ideas about how my life, the world, and other people ought to work. And every idea about the world has myself as the focal point around which all else revolves.

This world view is not politically correct. It is not attractive. It repels me. And yet my little golem grunts and groans through my days arranging and rearranging my world to whip everyone else into shape.

Today someone new came into my world. I hired a little RN to be my part time assistant. I worked with Josie when she was a nursing assistant. I worked with her when she was a licensed nurse. She's a Filipina tornado. She took one look at my wreck of an office and said "I'm going to fix this."

I couldn't watch. Somehow, I got my little green golem under control and went to my boss's office with a stack of incident reports that were long over due for sorting.

2 hours later I worked up the courage to walk back into my office. My lizard brain went nuts. My desk was spotless. There was a place for everything and everything in its place. I walked out and walked back in again.

Unbelievable. I was overcome with a curious sense of peace and well being. I let Josie take over and sure enough. Josie had a better way to do it.

Maybe I can try letting go of control again. If only I can get that lizard brain back into its cage.


Kinja, the weblog guide

3 Comments:

Anonymous Loubie said...

Ah! The old reptilian issue, Pammie. I am exactly the same way about the control issue, hon. You and are are very alike in that respect - though, I differ in the sense that my desk would have been spotless to begin with ;)

Know what a dork I am? I've been hitting the link I saved to the original blog you started - and was driving myself crazy wondering why you never posted in it! The lovely Nony put me straight at last...and here I am.

Love ya Nursie x

3:51 AM PDT  
Blogger NursePam said...

It's my favorite Liverpudlian! Of course you're a control freak Loubie. You're a teacher. *hee hee* Glad you finally found the trail of breadcrumbs.

Love ya back!

8:07 AM PDT  
Blogger G. L. Gross said...

Roflol, I wish I could have seen your office, LOL

Hugs!

6:57 PM PDT  

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