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21st Century Lesbian Trailer Trash

These are the mad musings of a middle aged woman, dyke, nurse, poet. I have a dog, a cat, a mobile home, and delusions of grandeur.

Location: California, United States

Tuesday, September 27, 2005


Anyone out there who has the slightest hint of paranoia, raise your hands.

I work with schizophrenics. I like to repeat that old saw, "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they are not out to get you." It always gets a laugh. Believe me. Paranoid schizophrenics are well aware of this. As a group, they are just as smart as anyone else.

We have lots to pick from. The government. The Iraqis. Terrorists in general. Big business. Hurricanes. Floods. Earthquakes. Your next door neighbor. I prefer to keep my paranoia local rather than global. Global paranoia is simply too big for me to handle.

My paranoia usually centers around the work place. It's the only space where I can manage my paranoia. And in my business, it pays to be paranoid. I don't trust my boss. Then again, who in their right mind would ever trust the boss?

Oh. Wait. I am the boss. One of them any way. Second in command as it were. But no matter who you are, there is always someone else standing one rung above you on the ladder of corporate hoo haw.

Yesterday I told my boss I was paranoid. She told me she was paranoid too. She lives in terror that I will quit. Damn that felt good! I said to her, "Maybe a grrl needs to hear that every six months or so."

Apparently I can put my paranoia away for a few days. But no so far away that I can't grab onto it should the need arise.

Kinja, the weblog guide


Blogger Seabiscuit said...

I saw a mob movie once in which the head mobster character had a saying, "Perfect paranoia is perfect awareness." So there you go, some people are simply very aware. :)

9:45 AM PDT  
Blogger John said...

Hi Pam,
Thank you for writing. I am affected by it. When you wrote "She said she was angry. Why are you all acting surprised when she gets angry?" It prompted me to write (think) about my own anger and permission. Thank you for taking me there.
I know you will share everything that you want to, and all in good time. I just want to say that I’ve heard you talk about age, dykes, nursing, your dog, and the mobile home. I would like to hear more about these things but I am also curious about the poet, the cat, and the grandeur. Particularly the poet. No pressure, I’m just expressing interest.
Thank you again for writing.

7:07 PM PDT  
Blogger Trop said...

I went through some very EXTREME paranoia a couple of months ago when I suddenly had to drop everything and head to PA (my mother had surgery on her spine--a tumor). Anyhow, being away made me very anxious about my job. I was worried they'd find something as cause to terminate me (too much time blogging, or posting on message boards, etc.). I feed the paranoia by procrastinating at work and playing a lot on the job, but on the whole, the folks here are happy with my performance. I've tried to step things up a notch just in case. I guess a little bit of paranoia is a good thing. It keeps us honest.

6:27 AM PDT  

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