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21st Century Lesbian Trailer Trash

These are the mad musings of a middle aged woman, dyke, nurse, poet. I have a dog, a cat, a mobile home, and delusions of grandeur.

Location: California, United States

Monday, October 02, 2006

Autumn Leaves

My sister pointed out to me that while I was in Hawaii, the 20th anniversary of the plane crash went unremarked by me.

It was a hallmark moment that derailed my life for a number of years. On September 23, 1986 my mother and stepfather took off from the tiny airstrip near Greenbush, Michigan in their single engine Piper Cub. It had been raining for nearly 3 weeks.

Somehow, they landed in a swamp and were not found for several days.

I cannot revisit the trauma that was my life during that period of time. It sent me careening into a wild dive through my unconscious that threatened to submerge me forever. Luckily, I had an excellent therapist.

Today, I am the age my mother was when she died. I had expected to be battling her for another 40 years.

I usually think of them only when I see a movie that I think they might have enjoyed. And from time to time, I ruminate on the implications of living beyond my mother's years.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Gratuitous Pity Party, etc.

Just hand me a little of that brie to go with my whine.

The day I posted my last sorry entry, I went to work and 2 more nurses went out on a leave of absence. One for 10 days and one for 6 weeks. I worked a 12 hour shift on the floor last Friday because we were plumb out of nursie bodies. It was kind of fun.

But the worst news was that my sister's youngest daughter went into the hospital with a spontaneous pneumothorax (collapsed lung). R. is still in the hospital and K. can't make the trip to Kauai.

The kid will be OK. She's finally starting to heal after several procedures. I have a couple of extra dollars floating around so that I'll be able to do a couple of fun things while I'm there.

I'm so exhausted that all I want to do is sleep. At least I'll be doing that on the beach for the next few days.

I am packing some extra coffee in my bag. I'm not so clever as Mocha who made her own coffee pods for the BlogHer conference. But I am clever enough to rig things with paper towel and napkins.

Jaz will be staying with her original people so I won't have to worry about her.

The news is so bizarre as to defy intelligent comment these days. So I will leave well enough alone with hopes that I will survive to rant another day.

Y'all be good while I'm gone.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Attitude Adjustment Anyone?

I haven't posted in a few days. And I am not sure when I can post again. My blog may have to lie fallow for a couple of weeks. I can't even get online to read other people's blogs simply due to circumstance.

First, I spent all day Sunday cleaning. At 11 p.m., just as I was turning out the light, and out of nowhere, I tossed my cookies.

I missed the managers day trip to Catalina. But managed to drag myself in yesterday even though I still felt like crap. I got a fair amount done, including a cut and paste job to fill the hole on the afternoon shift. I left about 2:30 hoping to get some sleep and wake up perky this morning.

No such luck. When I arrived home, the dog looked to be in worse shape than I. So off to the vet we went.

Jaz' skin condition is getting worse. The vet wanted to do a skin biopsy along with skin scrapings and a chest X-ray. $750.00 top estimate. With everything else happening, I didn't want to put her under anesthesia until after I return home from Hawaii.

She did the chest X-ray and skin scrapings. I have to drop her off on my way to work for a special bath to kill mites. She has to have one every 2 weeks. A minimum of 3 treatments. It's a long ordeal as they have to allow the dog to air dry.

She came home with an antibiotic and theophylline for bronchitis. Atarax for itching. And a cough medication. In short, she's a mess.

But it gets better. I just received a phone call that one nurse called off for the day shift, one called to say she wouldn't be there until 10 because her dog had puppies, and one called off for the afternoon shift. One is, I am sure judging by the weekend she had at work, overly stressed. I can live with that.

But one of the nurses is pissed because she got "stuck" working last night. Of course, she volunteered. She just returned from vacation. A vacation that ought to have been denied because we already had 3 requests ahead of her. But how could I say no to a mom who wanted to watch her bad boy son finally graduate from boot camp?

My assistant is on a leave for 30 days because of health issues. I am so far in the hole at work I can't see my way out.

I have to have my house ready by 9 a.m. on Saturday for a delivery and the carpet cleaners. I have to get someone in to get rid of a couple of pieces of furniture for me before the carpet cleaners come a 1 p.m.

I keep hoping I can find something positive in all of this. Because I sure can't control the chaos creators surrounding me.


Sunday, September 10, 2006

A Pearl of a Girl

We have a new resident whom I shall call Pearl. This is a direct reference to the book and the movie David and Lisa.

Pearl is much older than Lisa, somewhere in her forties. Tall and thin, she has large, liquid eyes and cafe au lait skin. I find myself on the verge of losing my professional perspective, prepared to jump into the abyss for a daring rescue.

The names and some details are changed to protect the innocent. A brilliant and beautiful young woman, born and raised on the east coast, she suffered a horrendous traffic accident during her teen years. She overcame a head injury and continued a life of world travel and study at some of Europe's most prestigious universities. She rubbed elbows with the well known and the wealthy.

At some point she was diagnosed as bipolar. She underwent treatment and continued to live an amazing nomadic life. She worked with the poor. She became a lay aspirant to a catholic order of nuns. Then at some point, she suffered another head injury.

Still an Olympic level verbal gymnast, reality and delusion have merged. She could not overcome the second injury. And although she has holes in her memory, she does not forget her former life. She believes that with the right medication, the right diet, and the right environment, she will recover.

She sits in my office and says amazing things about God and Spirit. She talks of world peace and the human capacity for love. She speaks of world healing. She doesn't sound crazy until she begins to discuss her relationship with the US president and her distrust of the Jews. She never goes so far as to discuss computer chips in her head or laser rays. But she rides the edge.

I'm not completely certain. But I have a hope in my heart that the Universe will heal this pearl of the world.

Friday, September 08, 2006

I Smell Old People

I have news for the Baby Boomers among us, particularly those of us in our 50's. We are starting to smell like old people. And all of the plastic surgery in the world, gallons of Oil of Olay, and hours at the gym will not derail that particular phenomenon.

Remember being in your grandma's house when you were about 7 years old? And you thought you would asphyxiate if you didn't get outside in the next 5 minutes?

Old people houses are closed in, cluttered, and musty. There are dust bunnies under the furniture. Even grandma's dog smells like old people. Even after a shower and some perfume, grandma smells funny.

We all have that moment when we know we are doomed. Mine came when I found out that my sister was grooving on Patsy Kline. I had a future flash of big blue hair and flowered dresses with red lipstick that bleeds outside the lip line.

There is no horror like the horror you feel the first time you notice tire tracks in your underwear. Next is when some little kid leans in for a kiss and wrinkles his nose saying "Your breath smells funny."

Carpe diem kids. Time is not stopping even for us. And if you think soy products will save you, think again.

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